I have a problem. I’m desperate. I feel like every hope and passion I used to have has been channeled into one desire — a boyfriend. Even my relationship with God seems to be buried beneath this weight. It never used to be like this. I was fine until all my friends were suddenly dating, engaged, then married. It was like a domino effect… except I was left standing. A couple months ago, I started trying to catch the eye of the few available young men left in town. I can’t tell you how many Facebook messages I sent inviting them to church events, or dropping subtle hints that I would really like to see such and such a movie. It never worked. And now, I have no clue what to do. Do you have any advice? I want to be free of this!
Dear Still Single,
First of all, thank you for your letter! I’m blessed by your soft, open heart. I know the Lord will help as you choose to seek Him. I understand what you’re feeling right now. I don’t have a boyfriend myself, and I’ve watched friends get married too. You feel like God has placed this desire in your heart to get married, but has neglected to fulfill it. You’re scared and wonder if He ever will. So now you feel like taking matters into your own hands.
My advice is this - learn to enjoy these years. They are fleeting and precious. If you think about it, you’ll most likely be married far longer than you’ll be single. Just the other day I was thinking about something in the past, and suddenly it dawned on me that I will never get those years back. They were gone and I’m left to wonder how I spent them. A deep desire rose up in my heart not to waste a single moment. To carpe diem- seize the day. To live with abandon, surrendering all to God. Every minute is a priceless gift. Don’t spend it wishing for what you don’t have. Don’t even spend it dreaming about the past. Cherish it for what it is. This is hard, believe me! Especially when you’re longing for a boyfriend.
Also, I want to encourage you away from trying to get attention from boys. And no, I am not recommending that you become a wallflower. Rather, I would tell you to become a diamond. A ruby. A sparkling, radiant jewel. Because that is exactly what you are. You are above rubies. The pearl of great price. A prize to be sought after and won. Don’t throw yourself away! The right man will pursue and see you for what you are. Don’t settle for less than God’s best even when feeling desperate. And I know you’re feeling desperate right now. But may I remind you that you’re one of God’s chosen daughters? He always gives the very best to His daughters, because, as His daughter, that makes you a princess of the highest, most authoritative Kingdom in the world. Perhaps, princess, right now is not the right time for marriage. The Bible says that He will give us the desires of our heart. I used to think this meant that God would give me whatever I wanted, so long as I delighted in Him. But now I realize that as I delight myself in the Lord, the desire of His heart for me- His very best plan- will become my desire. And of course, then He has no trouble granting it to me!
So, princess, pray for your future beloved. Trust God and lose yourself in Him - as a true bridegroom and lover of your soul. Rejoice in every day. And never, ever forget your royal status or worth. You’re created for a purpose and loved more than you can fathom. Don’t give your heart away or seek attention from someone who doesn’t realize that, or won’t love you in the same way. Does that sound impossible? Maybe. But I believe in the impossible. Remember, the same God who created a wife for Adam is the exact same God who is able to bring you your husband. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)
Love in Christ, Sara