As the only girl in a family with two older brothers, I excelled at whining until I got my way. From infancy, destiny determined my princess-hood. Some of my royal skills included convincing my brothers to play baby dolls with me, always getting carried into the house from the car, and generally fussing until everything was just right (even if it meant throwing one of my award winning temper tantrums). Evidently, from a young age, I was both opinionated and strong willed, a slave to my sin nature, solely concerned about myself.
One of my older brothers is just as strong-willed as I am. I remember him often reminding me, “Hanna, the world does not revolve around you.” To which I claimed, “I know,” though looking back, I did not want to acknowledge my tendency to act as though the world was all mine. I acquired the “my way or the highway” mindset, always thinking my way was the best and, quite possibly, the only way.
Each unique individual develops their own unique agenda. Lately, I've heard many celebrities vocalizing their concern for global warming or the current state of our pollution levels. Their agenda to create awareness is what drives them. They desire to better the world around them and quite possibly make a name for themselves. I often find my agenda clashes with those around me. Still desiring my own plan, my selfish human nature creeps in, and I wonder if I should fight it. After all, isn’t my agenda the most important, aren't my ideas the best?
“The Lord looks down from Heaven on the children of man, to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good. Not even one.” - Psalms 14:2-3
I’m hit; I'm struck with the reality of Scripture. If there is no good in me apart from the Father, then who am I to push my agenda? Shouldn’t my purpose be to push the good agenda of my Father? Shouldn’t I strive to be merely His vessel? After all, His agenda is love. He desires to show individuals his purpose and plan for their lives. He has chosen to love them and wants them to know He has a future for them, where He pursues their heart and heals their hurt.
I have found that when it comes to my own trials, I have my own agenda. I walk through them believing that they should teach me lessons, building my character or growing me. While yes, they most likely will teach me some valuable lessons, I must realize that even those struggles aren’t occurring for my purpose. Ultimately, they are all under God’s ordinance and are for His glory not my own. From breaking my foot at the beginning of the year, to having to step out of work and school for a time. This current season of life continues to meet me with new obstacles and leaves me searching for answers and asking God many questions.
Every day I have a choice. Will I choose to walk through this with the purpose of accomplishing my agenda and getting my questions answered or will I simply submit to a loving God who deserves to be glorified through my weakness? How can I live my life in a manner to give Him the freedom to accomplish any agenda He desires?